Jasper’s 8 Month Update

To be honest, most of the time these monthly updates blur together.

Of course, Jasper is constantly growing and learning new things, but time is moving so fast the months are starting to fold right into one another. Yet, at the same time, there is always so much to document in just one month’s time. And I know a year from now I will be so happy I put the time and effort into these blog posts.

So, for today’s post, as you already know by the title, is an update on our little man at eight months old.

Jasper’s 8 Month Update

I think eight months has been the best month yet. Aside from me starting to emotionally feel better, Jasper and I have bonded so much more. He’s growing into his personality, so it feels like I have my very own sidekick by my side. It’s great!

If you read his seven-month update, which I’ll link here, then you know he’s been sitting up like a champ! Now, he is getting ready to crawl! One minute he was wobbling as he sat and now he’s lunging forward to reach for everything in front of him. He starts off by sitting and leans forward with on leg ready to crawl while the other is stuck. I feel for him when he gets frustrated, but I know he will figure it out soon. He doesn’t enjoy tummy time however he gets in the crawling position and pops out into a superman-like motion. He’s SO close, it’s going to happen any day now.

At eight months I feel like he has really taken to eating more. At seven months he liked it but wasn’t really on schedule when it came to eating purees. Now, he eats them three to four times a day, plus nursing, as well as some BLW focused eating. Since he started consistently eating solids, he has also developed diaper rash (for the first time ever, so it was alarming lol) from the acidic foods. I know it is common so I’m not worried! Some things we are doing to help is changing is diaper more often (still letting him sleep through the night), using a non-toxic diaper rash cream at each diaper change, and cutting back on some of the food combinations until the diaper rash calms down.

Lastly, I don’t remember if I said this in his seven-month update, but he is pretty much sleeping through the night! This started a little while ago (a few weeks after he was in his crib) and he’s been doing so well! He usually wakes up within the hour after falling asleep for his paci and then again between 3am and 5am to nurse. Of course, he has his nights where he’s waking up every other hour but still progress nonetheless!

Out of all the things I thought about prior to having Jasper, I thought how I would be so impatient waiting for him to sit up, crawl, eat, talk, etc., but it’s been quite the opposite. Of course, I want him to reach all of those milestones and will worry if he shows nay delays (what mama wouldn’t?!), but I am in no rush to have him do any of those things until he is ready. I often see mamas forcing these things to happen and sharing how advanced their baby is. I know it is out of pure excitement, but I want him to do what he wants and feels comfortable with. After all, he is only a baby/kid for so long! So, if you’re a mama who sees other mamas raving about their baby doing “x,y,z”, don’t fret. Babies develop at different speeds and it doesn’t make one baby smarter over the other. Enjoy these moments before they are moving and on the go.

This last month has been so exciting. I can’t wait to see where he’ll be at by nine months! It’ll be Halloween and I have a feeling he’ll be crawling!



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Jasper’s 7 Month Update

I know I am constantly saying “where has the time gone” every single second, especially in these monthly milestone updates, but you can quote me on this for future reference. TIME GOES WAY FASTER AFTER SIX MONTHS. Quote me, write it in stone, do what ya gotta do, because I’m serious when I say it.

I feel like Jasper just turned six months old but here we are at seven and a half months. Time could be moving at a faster pace because we are so busy, but I am begging it to slow the heck down!

So, what’s new with Jasper at seven months old? Keep scrolling to read!


Jasper’s 7 Month Update

This last month has been the month of perfecting all of his newly learned skills. He sits up completely on his own now and only falls backwards occasionally. Once he mastered sitting, he wanted to move right on to standing so, our days are getting even more busy. J wants to be on the move at all times and never skips a beat!

He couldn’t care less about being on his belly (it’s like the newborn stage all over again) but yet he wants to be mobile. He hasn’t crawled yet but is definitely getting ready to. I know once he’s mastered crawling it’ll be a huge learning curve for the both of us!

As I mentioned in previous posts, Jasper is now eating solids. He pretty much eats everything and loves food like his mama. We do a mixture of purees and baby-led weaning (more on this soon, I promise). More specifically, he loves ice cream and French fries, but who doesn’t?!

It is so fun to see his little personality develop and him becoming his own person, if you will. Each day I am amazed at what he can do (babies are unbelievably smart when we allow room for baby-led play).

We have his 8-month wellness check at the end of this month, so I will be sure to update ya’ll.


Aside from Jasper growing and learning all the new tricks, I’ve been growing myself. I feel like after the first few months mamas get overlooked, even though we are still in such a vulnerable state.

In my previous post, I briefly mentioned how I am starting to feel more like myself again. I have been kind of ignoring updating ya’ll on the postpartum side of things because I have honestly been struggling. I am in the midst of sharing this reality with you, but I want to collect my thoughts before blasting it out on the internet, lol.

I know I don’t have to share these moments, but in doing so it shows other mamas they’re not alone. It’s been hard, for many reasons, and I am learning every day. It’s funny, the being a mom part is a breeze for me, it’s the deep dark icky stuff no one talks about that has planted a home inside of me.

Anyways, more to come on that. I’m feeling good though (most days) and I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This journey has been and continues to be the wildest ride I’ve ever been on and I am so grateful I get to share it all with you.



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Jasper’s 6 Month Update

Here we are. HALF of a year old! Jasper is officially closer to a toddler than he is a newborn. How did we even get here? Most importantly, where had the last six months gone? It’s been quite the ride, but we made it and we’re here to tell you all about it.

Jasper’s 6 Month Update

The last six months not only have come and gone extremely quick, but the time that has passed has been some of the best times of my life. Six months ago, my sweet baby boy was born, and my life has been changed ever since.

Some days it feels like I never was even pregnant, that I have had Jasper all along. Other days it feels impossible to know my rainbow baby is here in my arms and thriving! As you can probably already tell, this milestone is emotional to say the least. In this blog post I want to take the time to not only share the things Jasper is learning and my postpartum journey, but to also reflect on the first half of 2019.

Let me start off by saying this year has been NOTHING like I imagined. I thought I would have my baby boy and be living happily in Montana as a family of three with our two dogs. Instead, I had a very dramatic labor and delivery that resulted in two surgeries in a six-week span and then flying across the country to our new home in Delaware. What a whirlwind it has been. As stressful and unplanned as it has been, it has definitely made me emotionally stronger. Not many women can say they delivered a baby, had two surgeries, and moved across the country all in two months postpartum. But here I am living proof that it is possible.

However, no matter how exciting all of this may seem (and it IS), I have been struggling. It’s a lot to take on as a new mom and most days my emotions got the best of me. Hitting this six-month milestone isn’t just a huge accomplishment for my so, but also for me as a mom. While my healing is still a major work in progress, I finally feel like I am on the mend.

As for Jasper, he is doing great, as always! It has been amazing to watch his little, but yet really big, personality develop. From a teeny tiny newborn who was so fragile to now a big boy who is going to be walking before we know it. This last month he has learned and grown SO much. He’s pretty much sitting up all on his own, sleeping in his crib, and also started eating solids. And he’s such a trooper through it all!

We have a long way to go but I have no doubt the next six months will be just as bitter sweet. I cannot wait to continue to update y’all and share this amazing journey.

I see big things coming in the future and this is just the start!



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Jasper’s 5 Month Update

As I begin every postpartum/monthly milestone update, HOW are we here already?! In just one month my sweet newborn baby will be half a year old! But, let’s not go down that rabbit hole just yet.

I am going to keep this update short and sweet. It’s been a hectic time over here and I have been really trying to stay present.

After looking at about ten different houses, the very last house was the winner! We found a house! So here we are, again, moving and finding a new routine.

Jasper’s 5 Month Update

Here is a short recap of the last month with our little man…

This new month has mainly been a continuation of months three and four. Jasper been mastering all of the skills he’s picked up like “talking”, rolling over, finding his hands, and so much more. He has also started to sit up- he gets about 10 seconds of sitting with a rounded back until he tumbles! His bouncer is a big hit, too! If it were up to him he would be sitting, standing, or hanging out in mom’s arms all day.

In the next month, we are hoping to start solids, or at the very least try some rice cereal! I will be sure to update you guys on what we do and the foods he’s eating!


That’s all for now! I’m sure I will have more to say (and more time) once six months rolls around. Until then, I’ll be running around like a chicken with its’ head cut off.



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Jasper’s 4 Month Update

I feel like I need to start off this post by asking why doesn’t the four-month milestone come with an instruction manual?! KIDDING, kind of…


Jasper’s 4 Month Update

In all seriousness, month four has been easier than three months but yet harder all at the same time. Last month I had the stress of moving and figuring out life on the East Coast again, but this month I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The first three months I really struggled and I didn’t really notice just how much I was struggling until month four hit. At about 3.5 months Jasper entered the four month sleep regression. Having children, of any age, you know how crazy their sleep schedule can be. So, this was stressful nonetheless, but we are alive and here to tell the story!

On top of my currently crazy life and hormones, lack of sleep has been really playing games with my mind. However, I am trying really hard to establish a routine for myself. I am working out when I can, making sure I am eating enough to help keep my milk supply up, and overall living a balanced life to keep myself sane! Like I said, I was struggling for a while but I am feeling pretty good at the moment!

As for Jasper, I feel like I have a whole new baby! Truth be told, that is how I feel as each month passes.

Jasper has been “finding” his hands and LOVES to chew on them. He’s drooling up a storm and we have to keep a bib on him 24/7 or else we’d be changing his outfit every hour. No, he is not teething yet (yes, I know hand chewing and drooling can be signs, but trust me there are no teeth popping through just yet). However, we think the main cause of all his drooling is his lip tie we recently learned he has. It is nothing serious as he is nursing and gaining weight just fine.

He is also learning to “talk” and he tells the best stories. I could listen to him babble all day long. J has finally mastered tummy time (he used to hate being on his belly). He rolls over, but not consistently. Like everything else, he has his own schedule and does what he wants when he wants!

Jasper certainly wants to be on the move and doesn’t skip a beat, he is truly the life of the party. I am in constant awe seeing the world through his eyes.



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Jasper’s 3 Month Update

I can’t believe we are here. THREE months postpartum and three months of loving on my sweet boy!

This last month has been a whirlwind to say the least. I don’t have too much to update you on in regard to postpartum/baby stuff because it’s been pretty chill if you don’t count the other craziness in my life.

Jasper’s 3 Month Update

Most of you know by now, but my family moved out of Montana and across the country back to the East Coast. Mark will now be stationed in Dover, Delaware so we are working on purchasing a house in the area! Right now, we are staying with my mom until we close on our house and get everything ready to move in. It has been absolutely crazy but being so close to family and friends makes it all worth it. I will update you on our new home as we move forward. We have lots of exciting plans for renovation, so we are hoping all things go well!

Overall, I have been feeling pretty good. Aside from being out of place on the house side of things, I have found my new routine and my new normal, if you will. It definitely took a long while to figure out a schedule that worked but now that I have one it makes life a little easier. I know routines can change every day when you have a baby, so I am allowing for plenty of room to adjust and I am open to change.

However, if I am being honest, I have started to struggle with body image a little bit here and there. I know somewhere, deeply rooted in me, I grew a human and in no way should I be this hard on myself but sometimes it gets the best of me. I am doing what I can when I can, and I know I am taking good care of my body. Finding time to workout has been a lot harder with a baby but I recently started working out again and it feels amazing. Working out has always been more for my mental health than my physical health so getting back into a workout routine has also helped my mental health postpartum.

I know there isn’t a magic trick to get back into the shape I was pre-pregnancy and I’m not looking for an easy way out. I am looking at this as a new challenge. I even bought a new bikini to rock my new mom bod 😉

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12 weeks in vs. 12 weeks out!

Jasper has been an absolute DREAM. He is such a good baby. At about 8 weeks he started sleeping through the night and has been doing so ever since (he is 13 weeks as I’m writing this). Again, I know things can change in an instant with babies, but I am taking it one day (or night) at a time! He is also a really good napper and takes two really good naps a day. However, we are still working on mastering that third late afternoon nap!

The doctors say Jasper is developing a month ahead of schedule and I feel like most doctors say that to every parent to make them feel good, lol. But, sometimes I do believe them! Jasper has been holding his head up since about 2 months and is VERY social since early on. He’s been smiling and (almost) giggling all the time. He is starting to “play” with his toys and notice his surroundings more. It’s so fun watching his little mind work!

We went on our first big adventure at the beginning of the month and he did SO well. Jasper and I flew from Montana to Seattle, from Seattle to LAX, and LAX to Philadelphia. And we did it all solo! I was more than nervous because I never flew alone before, let alone with an infant! He slept on every flight (even the red eye!!!) and rarely cried. He was a gem.

He of course loves his booby milk and eats about every two hours most days. It definitely shows! He is about 23 inches long and weighs around 12 pounds.


Like I said, I don’t have too much to update ya’ll on, but that’s where we’re at! If you want to stay up to date with daily updates, I post every day on the ‘gram (usually photos of Jasper tbh). Until next month, XO!



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Jasper’s 2 Month Update

Hey babes! Life has been a tad bit crazy over here and so much is happening so fast. A few weeks back I wrote a blog post sharing my one-month postpartum thoughts and how the new mom life is treating me (and Jasper of course). If you haven’t read that post yet, check it out here!

Since then I feel like my life has, yet again, flipped upside down and we were thrown a huge curve ball. For starters, at 6 weeks pp I was in the emergency room. If you follow me on Instagram, then you heard all about this. I went into the ER for what I thought was normal postpartum bleeding but turns out I had placenta fragments still inside of me!

You may be reading this asking yourself what am I even talking about. When Jasper was born I had to be rushed into surgery to have an emergency D&C because my placenta did not deliver. I go into more detail here on the blog and on my YouTube channel if you want to know the full story of Jasper’s birth.

Jasper’s 2 Month Update

So, around 6 weeks pp I was still having bleeding which wasn’t normal. After several hours in the emergency room and a million tests later, I found out the first D&C was not successful and there was still fragments of my placenta inside of me. This meant I had to have another D&C. So that Wednesday I went in for surgery.


The surgery itself was pretty intense. I was awake for my first D&C I had when I gave birth, but this one I was asleep for. And I’m so glad I was knocked out. I have never felt so much pain in my entire life. Okay, contractions are pretty painful, but this was a close second! I was in so much pain I couldn’t get out of bed by myself let alone hold Jasper. I was pumped with all sorts of drugs and medications that I couldn’t nurse Jasper either. Thank goodness for my doctor who let me stay the night on labor and delivery because those nurses were amazing. Also, a big shout to my husband because he played single dad for about twelve hours while I laid helpless in the hospital bed.

This sounds like complete chaos, and don’t get me wrong, it was. However, I’ve made my peace with it. The silver lining to it all was I learned exactly what was wrong and it makes me feel more confident going forward with having any future children. I had placenta accreta which is when the placenta is stuck to the wall of the uterus. You are at risk for it when you have had previous abdominal surgery, like a C-section, are 35 years old or older, or have had placenta accrete before. It can be detected through an ultrasound though it can also go un noticed. In my case, I didn’t know I was at risk because none of the above applied to me. But in the very beginning of my pregnancy I had a hemorrhage which is what caused the placenta accreta, but it was never detected. Like I said, I made my peace with it, but I also feel like there could have been a little more done so that everyone was better prepared.

Once I was recovered from that, I was finally cleared to go back to my normal life after 8 weeks pp! 8 weeks! But of course, life didn’t slow down there…

Within a week of my second surgery we found out we were going to be moving back home to the East Coast. It is happening SO fast, like we are moving this week as I am typing this, but we couldn’t be happier!

So, between the postpartum complications and this big move coming up, you could say things have been overwhelming to say the least.

Aside from that, things are going great! Mom life is no joke and some days are harder than others, but I am taking it day by day. The most important thing for me has been giving myself time to sort through my emotions and thoughts. It’s not always easy and to be honest I’ve neglected myself for several weeks, but I always feel SOOO much better once I carve out that time. Motherhood is a work in progress that is never ending!

Jasper is literal perfection. He started smiling and now can make out faces. It’s seriously the cutest thing when he looks at me and smiles or giggles back. MELTS. MY. HEART. His doctor said he’s very social for a two-month-old (he gets it from his mama). He’s also getting so strong! He’s very close to holding his head up but isn’t always a fan of tummy time which is resulting in his slightly flat head that I am hoping goes away!!! He still loves his boobs and milk and we’re still exclusively breastfeeding over here. I couldn’t be more grateful. Jasper officially weighs 11.8 pounds and is 23 inches long! He’s going to be tall, or at least I hope because this mama is short af, lol. Oh, and it may look like his eyes are going to stay blue, but we will see!

That’s all I got for now but will have more updates for ya for month three! Thanks for following along and make sure to follow my Instagram page to stay up to date on daily life adventures!



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Jasper’s 1 Month Update

It’s officially been one whole month since I gave birth to my son, Jasper Thomas, and boy what a month it has been! I could go on and on about this last month. Trust me, a lot has happened, and life is so different with a newborn, but I’ll begin with saying it was nothing like I expected. Let me tell you why…

Jasper’s 1 Month Update

I set myself up so I didn’t have to go back to my work until April. Being a stay at home mom and working for myself gave me those perks and I am forever grateful. Truly, I am really really grateful. I didn’t do a damn thing for a good three weeks. I warned my husband that all hands were on deck and he was going to have to help with the cooking and cleaning (and if you know me that was a big thing to let go of because I prefer to do the cooking and cleaning, I am a control freak). I planned to do a lot of resting and self-care, if you will. I planned to take these next two months to heal and bond with my baby. While I did almost all of that, it really only lasted those first three weeks.

Sharing my heart…

I really needed those first few weeks because I had surgery after I delivered so it took me a little longer to heal than most women. But after about a week and half to two weeks I got cabin fever and was ready for a routine again and for my husband to go back to work. I wanted so much to not have to heal my body and let mother nature take its’ course. After all that’s what I planned to do, this is sacred time for a woman and her baby, I wanted to do it right. It just wasn’t feasible for me. I work best with structure. But structure with a newborn? I’m sure many of you mamas are laughing at me while reading this.

I fell victim to comparison and was hard on myself for not giving myself an exact time window for this fourth trimester I read all about. I thought to myself “I need to heal and take this time with my baby or I will fail as a mother”. I was so caught up in having it “perfect” (perfectionist over here!) that I almost ended up ruining it for myself.

I hid all of my postpartum emotions because if I talked about them I would just cry. I fought with my husband more in this first month than we ever have in the three years of knowing one another and I felt so much guilt and sadness for what seemed like forever.

I know it was a lot of the hormones causing all of this, so I try not to beat myself up over it but the guilt I felt was real. I had, and still have some, feelings of guilt with the way Jasper came into this world. I felt like I didn’t stand up for myself or my son as much as I could. I also felt like I was mourning a loss. I LOVED being pregnant and to have that gone in an instant the way it happened truly upset me.

I started to see a therapist again and I forgot how freeing it felt to just speak, cry, and share my emotions without fear of judgment. Unless you’ve been through pregnancy, loss, and motherhood it is very hard to understand. So, having a professional and a real life mama listen to me felt really good.

This first month wasn’t what I expected it to be. It was even better. It made me stronger than I could possibly ever imagine. It has shown me how much love I have in my heart. And it has made me realize this is motherhood and it only gets better from here.

And while I’m sharing my heart, I also didn’t expect to share all of this in a blog post. I planned on giving you guys a physical update on my postpartum body and talk all about Jasper (who is just PEREFECT by the way). And I still will but I think this needed to be shared more. This is the real and raw side of motherhood and postpartum.

I can’t wait to see what this second month has in store. Time is going by SO fast and I am trying to soak up every second I can. I’m just happy I get to share it all with you guys. It makes it that much more special.

A physical update…

As for a physical update…I’m doing great!

I am taking a long time to heal but I am shocked with how well my body is handling all of this. I have some extra skin and my belly button looks a little funny. My hips are definitely not the same and my boobs have doubled in size. But I LOVE my postpartum body just as much as I loved my pregnant body. I am just as excited to follow this journey as I was when I was pregnant.

And Jasper, like I said, he is PERFECT. We are working on finding a routine that works well for the both of us but other than that we are taking each day as it comes. He’s growing like a weed and I’m proud to say it’s all from my breast milk! I can’t believe how much he’s grown already and I’m anxious to see what he’ll look like a month from now!


This journey has been so wild, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am doing what I have been called to do and loving it.



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Jasper Thomas’ Birth Story (pt. II)

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Jasper Thomas’ Birth Story (pt. II)

Read pt. I of his birth story here.

After the nurse broke my water (around 2pm), things started moving pretty fast. I started feeling pressure. Jasper was so close to making his arrival!

Around 2:45-3pm I was ready to do my first “practice” push. Little did we know he was right there so that one set of pushes got him set up in the perfect position to come out. However, you can’t deliver without the doctor and she was delivering another baby at the moment. I was sitting there waiting to push for about thirty to forty-five minutes. What a wild experience, I could feel him descending and it was pretty cool. During this time Jasper’s heart rate started to drop again but this time all the way down to 60 bpm. So, they had to put me on oxygen to help him and if he didn’t come out soon or if his heart rate didn’t come back up I would need an emergency c-section.

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Patiently waiting for the dr. so I can start pushing!

Luckily the doctor came in at about 3:30-3:45pm and it was go time!

I didn’t push for long (I even got to feel his head while he was crowning- it was WILD) and before we knew it our son was born at 4:08 pm on Wednesday, January 30, 2019. He was 6 pounds and 3 ounces measuring at 19 inches long.

Delivering Jasper was the greatest, most wildest experience of my entire life. I felt so strong and empowered. It was like I knew I was meant for this. I’ve never felt so much happiness and joy than I did pushing out my son into this world.

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Two minutes after he came out…in complete awe.


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I was in complete awe when he came out and was placed on my chest. I only had a small tear which I didn’t even notice until I saw her stitching me up. In fact, I was in so much awe that I didn’t realize thirty minutes had passed. But this is when things got scary…

Yes, the story isn’t over quite yet, lol.

In those thirty minutes a woman’s body has to deliver the placenta, if not, the doctor has to go inside themselves and get it out, or worst-case scenario a D&C is needed.

My placenta wasn’t delivering on its’ own.

At this moment a few things went through my mind “okay, no big deal it’ll come eventually”, “what happens if it doesn’t come out?”, “what about if the doctor can’t grab it herself?”, “can I still get it encapsulated?”.

Then everything started happening so fast. Jasper was taken out of my arms and the doctor was pushing and pulling all over inside my abdomen trying to get my placenta out. Before I knew it, she yelled out to everyone in the room “book an OR she needs a D&C”. Like lightning speed everyone was rushing around like busy bees as the doctor was telling me I have a 50% chance of surviving due to high blood loss and that I may need a blood transfusion amongst many other complications.

I have never been so scared in my life. I thought induction struck fear in my body, but this was different. Tears immediately poured out of my eyes and down my face as they wheeled me away from my husband and son. All I could think of was “am I going to see them again”. I was clueless and scared and so upset. On top of that I had the shakes really bad from hormones which didn’t help.

As we got into the OR I quickly learned it was NOT like Grey’s Anatomy and it’s much different when you’re on the OR table. I was awake for the whole thing which I am super thankful for because it allowed me to go back to the room with Jasper right away. It was also nice to know what they were doing and get any questions I had answered. During the surgery I had my whole lower half suspended and my legs spread wide open. It was very invasive to say the least. The surgery took about an hour and before I knew it I was back holding my son feeling beyond grateful to have him in my arms.

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We spent the next two nights in the hospital, so they could not only monitor Jasper but also monitor me for any post-surgery complications. We got to leave that Friday evening.

Overall for my first labor and delivery experience it was pretty traumatic. However, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I am super grateful to have my son here happy and healthy and to also be healthy myself. I still tear up thinking about those few days and bringing Jasper into the world.


I would also like to put a disclaimer out there that if you are pregnant please please please do not take my story or experience and compare it to what yours will be like. Every woman and pregnancy are so different. Labor and delivery are such an unpredictable thing and babies make their own time. The best thing you can do is go into this experience with an open mind. Have trust in yourself and your doctors and the rest will just flow.


To hear more about Jasper’s birth story click here to watch!



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Jasper Thomas’ Birth Story (pt. I)

On Wednesday, January 30, 2019 my world completely changed. Just nine days after my twenty fifth birthday, our son Jasper Thomas Rogachenko-Devine was born. This day will forever be the craziest, yet best day of my entire life. Jasper came into this world a whole nine days early and we have not stopped loving on him since.

The second he was in my belly he gave me a run for my money and his entrance into this world wasn’t any different! Being an Aquarius (like his mama) he had to make sure his debut was dramatic. I know you guys have been waiting a while to hear his birth story, so I won’t keep you waiting any longer.

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Jasper Thomas’ Birth Story (pt. I)

Let’s start at the very beginning…

Monday, January 28th was just an average day. I was 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant, anxiously waiting for my son’s arrival. That morning I was babysitting our friend’s little girl and then was headed to my doctor’s appointment for the week (those who don’t know, once you hit 36 weeks in your pregnancy you go to the doctor every week up until you deliver). These appointments aren’t anything too crazy- the doctor checks your vitals, baby’s heart rate, and your cervix if you choose, so this was routine for me.

It wasn’t until my doctor couldn’t find Jasper’s heart beat and once she did, she said, “He’s pretty mellow today, when was the last time you felt him move?”. Now, this may sound bad considering you should be kick counting, but I didn’t even realize if he was moving or not because I was pre-occupied babysitting. She then proceeded to tell me not to worry and she’ll hook me up to the Non Stress Test (NST), which is a test to monitor the baby’s heart beat and movement.

While I was hooked up to the monitor his heart rate wouldn’t stay at a consistent rate of 130 or higher (it was at 120 or lower). My doctor wasn’t too concerned because everything had looked great up until this point, but she scheduled me for an ultrasound later that day just to be sure.

So, at 4pm we came back. For this ultrasound the baby has a thirty-minute window to show movement, breathing, heart rate, brain function, etc. They then are scored on a scale of 8, scoring only in twos. Jasper was not moving, and his heart rate was now at 104, therefore he got a six out of eight (anything that isn’t an eight out of eight is technically failing). So, with these results, my doctor prompted us to come back the following day for the same tests.

Fast forwarding to the next day, Tuesday, January 29th, I went back in for another NST and ultrasound. He showed some improvement on the NST as his heart rate was higher and more consistent. Unfortunately, on the ultrasound he scored a six again because there was no movement.

It was literally like déjà vu, except this time it was different when my doctor walked in. As she walked in and sat down the first thing she said was “Where are your bags? I think it’s time to head to delivery”.

I about lost it. No, I did lose it. I was a huge ball of sobbing tears. Scared, anxious, pissed, worried, frustrated, confused, and sad all at once. Of course, this wasn’t my birth plan and although I was okay with not having my birth plan go as I hoped for, the last thing I wanted was an induction. I wanted my body to do what it had to do on its’ own and not force something if it wasn’t ready.

I immediately started questioning myself, hoping to convince myself and everyone else the baby would move, and it was just all in my head. Because I did feel him move, but it wasn’t the movement you except this late in a pregnancy. My doctor straight up said he’s not going to move in 24 hours if he hasn’t moved yet and while we are both still healthy she wants to give me a chance at a natural birth as much as possible. Still sobbing, I appreciated her even more for that even though I had zero interest in getting induced.

So, to the hospital we headed! Well, almost…

We obviously had to go home to get our bags and take care of the dogs, but I also felt the need to vacuum and clean one last time, lol. Yes, clean my house…clearly, I was stalling! By this time, it was going on 6pm. After about another hour at home we started heading to the hospital. But wait, I had to stop at Target and also eat dinner, lol. So, to Target we went and then to get french fries and pizza as my last meal!

You guys, I stalled so much we didn’t get to the hospital until 8pm, lol.

To my surprise, they had a room all ready to go and they weren’t about to waste any time! The second I stepped foot in the room the nurse prompted me to put on the gown and she would be in to take my vitals and get me hooked up to an IV.

You guys already know I’m psycho and brought anything the hospital usually provides you myself. So, I put on the gown I brought, and the nurse says I can’t wear it because the buttons were incorrect, and it would mess with the IV (it did not). I was already annoyed and didn’t want to be there so this just made me even more pissed. She then proceeded to tell me I couldn’t walk around, that I had to stay in bed and that I also couldn’t eat (mind you, we brought the pizza with us to eat when we got there). Even more hangry and annoyed she told me to get some sleep, so I had energy to push tomorrow (yes, she was totally right but I was not getting any sleep that’s for sure)!

I march to the beat of my own drum so guess what? I ate the damn pizza and french fries without a care in the world! I was not about to go hungry and have no sleep. The nurse probably hated me but ya girls got to eat! Once I had food in my system I felt calmer and not so pissy, lol.

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Eating my french fries with not a care in the world.

So, at about 10pm is when the action really starts…

She checked my cervix and I was still only 1cm dilated and 50% effaced (effaced means how thin your cervix is). They were starting me off with Cervidil. For those of you who don’t know, Cervidil is a medication that is applied to a long strip of paper that inserts like a tampon and is placed behind the cervix. It’s job is to “ripen” the cervix and prepare you for labor, or in my case before you receive Pitocin which is the drug that puts you into labor (I wasn’t getting the Pitocin until the next morning). And yes, getting the Cervidil put in hurts like a b*tch!!!

The nurse said I would have to keep it in until tomorrow morning when they give me the Pitocin and that I should only feel what most women describe as “bad period cramps”. No biggie, I could handle that! No, that was FALSE. They weren’t just “bad period cramps” they were legit contractions.

At about some point in the middle of the night (by the way I did end up staying up all night and Mark was sound asleep on the couch that was in the room, lol), the contractions started to pick up and get really uncomfortable. At about 6am they only got worse and I was really starting to question why the nurse referred to them as just cramps because they were way worse than that. 8am rolls around and the Cervidil is finally taken out. The nurse checked my cervix again and I was just barely 2cm dilated.

Finally, the doctor comes in and at this point what I was still being told were cramps started to pick up to every 90 seconds. However, they came in clusters of three with only a second pause before the 90 second break (yeah, they were definitely contractions). The first thing the doctor said to me was, “why are you here?”. Being in pain, this really pissed me off, so I told Mark to tell her what led us here. She responded with “well we monitored you and the baby all night and you both look perfect and I’m afraid the Cervidil didn’t work and your body doesn’t want to be in labor at this point. The cramps you are experiencing aren’t contractions that are dilating your cervix. I don’t feel comfortable going through with this induction.” I WAS LIVID. I was literally having painful contractions for the fun of it and didn’t even need to be here. I was not only pissed but sadden because I felt like I failed my baby. She then proceeded to tell us since my body wasn’t ready to go into labor I had a few options but they all ended up with needing a possible emergency c-section since the Cervidil didn’t work/I was forcing labor. Luckily Mark convinced her to wait a few hours and come back to see if I made any progress- I was not about to go home after all of this!

At about 11am she comes back to check my cervix (I’m still having contractions at this point). I was at 4cm!!! The Cervidil worked and my body was officially in labor!!! At this point I didn’t need Pitocin as long as my body kept progressing. Still frustrated that she told me I didn’t need to be induced, I was also happy to see my body making progress on its’ own!

Here’s where it gets even crazier…

The doctor informed us the baby’s ultrasound scans were sent to the high-risk doctor and he was the one who said I needed to be induced. He found that if Jasper stayed in there any longer his abdomen growth would be stunted. However, Mark or I were never told that until this moment. So, long story short, I was where I needed to be and that 8am conversation was null and void. At this time the doctor asked if I wanted an epidural because if I did she would come back later to break my water but if I didn’t she would break it now and there’s no turning back.

I got the epidural.

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After I got the epidural and moments before I started to push!!!

I told myself I wasn’t going to get one but that all went out the window when I had to get induced. I feel like without the induction I would have been fine, but this induction was so intense and traumatic already that I needed it. And I have NO regrets! The epidural allowed me to relax and enjoy the remainder of my pregnancy.

Moving forward a few hours, I was now 7cm dilated and it was time to break my water! This was really happening! I was going to meet my baby boy so soon!

To be continued…




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