There is this fairly new trend in the wellness community that I have started to see more and more of and I felt drawn to touch on this important topic. Saying “no” and setting boundaries. But what does that really mean? This is a topic that I have been wanting to discuss for quite some time now and I thought there was no better time than now. Between the holidays and New Year coming up setting boundaries for ourselves and learning to say “no” is essential to staying sane.
So, what do I mean exactly by saying “no” and setting boundaries? It’s simple! Don’t be afraid to set personal boundaries for yourself and say no to any plans, obligations, or favors. Your health comes first (mental, physical, and emotional) and over booking yourself can be very taxing.
We live in such a go-go-go world where there is an event to attend every other day, coffee or cocktail dates, and a jammed packed weekend of fun, not to mention the heavy work week most of us endure. As humans, we are born people pleasers. We want to say “yes” to everyone and everything so that we can be liked and accepted. But what’s the fun in that when we are overly exhausted and drained of energy? We panic when we can’t attend a social event in fear of missing out, a.k.a. FOMO.
But who says you aren’t cool if you stay home for a night or two enjoying the company of yourself? Call me the biggest loser then because staying at home most nights is my idea of fun these days! The topic of self-love is everywhere and while yes, loving yourself for who you are is very important, so is taking time for yourself. And this doesn’t have to be anything spectacular like you see on Instagram. Bubble baths and face masks are very fun and trendy, but sometimes sitting on the couch watching Netflix is a form of self-love/care too! Or simply canceling plans because you realize you’re just too tired!
There is nothing wrong with saying “no” or changing up your plans to fit your needs. Yes, of course there are times where you won’t have this option but more times than not, you do! When you set boundaries for yourself you are actively taking care of your emotional, physical and mental needs. By saying “no”, you are staying true to those boundaries and I think that in itself is a great form of self-love. Did you ever hear of that saying, “you can’t pour from an empty cup”? Well, that is very relevant in this case. You can continue to push yourself passed those boundaries but eventually your cup will be empty and you’ll have nothing to give. Not to mention you can put your physical health at risk, too. Your immune system does not work well with exhaustion. Trust me.
Coming from an extroverted-introvert, I NEED time to myself every single day. If I don’t take a few minutes or so to myself my whole day feels thrown off. And this has taken me a long time to learn and weave into my everyday routine, but it’s been one of the bets decisions I ever made. I love meeting new people, talking and sharing thoughts and ideas but I wouldn’t be able to enjoy that without staying at home a couple nights a week or taking a day to just chill.
YOU DON’T NEED AN EXCUSE
Did I mention how you DON’T need an excuse to say “no” either?! You don’t owe anyone an explanation for having boundaries for yourself. If someone asked you to jump off of a cliff you would most likely say no with no hesitation or explanation! So, don’t feel guilty for declining plans!
For the longest time, I felt the need to follow my “no” up with some excuse, whether it was true or not it just became a bad habit. I felt that I owed people a reason or explanation of why I couldn’t go to an event or meet them for coffee when simply it was just because I needed time for myself. Now, I am practicing not giving an excuse with every time I say no. It feels good. You should try it.
OH, THE THINGS YOU’LL LEARN
The more time you set aside for yourself, the more you learn about yourself. Whenever we say “yes” we don’t realize that we actually don’t want to go to that event or that we’re overly tired. But once we start to slow down and say “no” amazing things happen. Not to mention you will find who sticks by your side.
So, I challenge you to set yourself some personal boundaries and start saying “no”! It’s hard in the beginning because you’ll still want to feel in the loop with everything and everyone but trust me, your true friends will understand and respect that. If not, get new friends. Your body, mind, and spirit will also respect you more.
Risks for saying “no” include higher sense of self, overflowing self-love, and more time/energy to give it your ALL.
How good are you at saying no and sticking to your personal boundaries? What do you do to keep yourself performing at your best? Let’s share in the comments below or head over to my Instagram (@iamdevonjade)!